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You know what gets my goat? What REALLY gnarls my chizzle?

1. Groups, clubs, scenes, schools, societies, churches.
2. Matching lipstick and nail varnish.
3. The phrase, ‘I think you’ll find,’
4. BT, the DVLA, TV Licensing people, landlords, estate-agents.
5. People who laugh while walking away, and try to hide it by ducking their head, but me being able to tell because their shoulders are shaking.
6. People being late. If you’re going to be more than five minutes late, ring me. I won’t wait otherwise.
7. Winking. After nearly two years of working in a prison, being winked at has lost its appeal.
8. The man on the beach yesterday whose dog did a poo on the sand. He put it in a plastic bag (black) tied up the top and then slung it behind a sand-dune. WHAT? I had to be forcibly restrained from giving him the poo back, and quite forcefully.
9. Ulterior motives/tact. Nine times out of ten I am just not going to understand if you say, ‘oh, do you think those orange socks work well with that suit?’. Just spit it out. Out.
10. Blogging. Ugh what a bunch of narcissists. It is sickening. I keep meaning to give it up. Really. 

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