Dear Mum

I am sorry I have not had time to ring you up. I am sorry I PASTED you at our recent bowling. I am sorry that after I PASTED you, my four year old daughter proceeded to PASTE you again.

I am sorry mum.

I am sorry you only find out what I am doing by reading my blog.

But look. I was in the Guardian!

*normal service will resume tomorrow*

Get out of the house and go to No Point tonight. I’ll be there. Grey shoes and a green dress. The beard hasn’t fully covered my shame, so I may also be sporting a paper bag. 

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