Here is a list of some of the lies I have told today. It is a ‘selected’ list of lies. The ‘collected’ list of lies would be laborious to type. The ‘complete’ lies would wear out my keyboard and set my cranky wrists going.
1. If you don’t go to sleep, you won’t grow. In fact, you will shrink, and then you will disappear, and then you won’t be able to go to playgroup tomorrow.
2. Yes, I put the bins out.
3. Yes, the stock list is ready. I will email it to you right away.
4. No, I really did put the bins out.
5. If you put your shoes on the settee, the monsters in the radiator will come out and get you.
6. I believe you.
7. I will have to speak to my line manager about that.
8. The seeds will grow tomorrow. There will be a tomato on your tree tomorrow.
9. The cheese plant will grow cheese strings if you water it nicely and don’t pull the leaves out.
10. I am going to have an early night tonight.
My mum told me when I was little that when I lied I had a black mark on my forehead and she could tell. I was a bit scared of this for a while. Then I tested it. A lot of the time, she didn’t notice the black mark. For example, I once told her that a sweet I wanted was not chewing gum (banned) but actually it was chocolate (okay). I knew it was chewing gum. I beat the black mark. That made me think I had special powers.
I also thought for a long time that I had switches inside my coat pockets that could make the wind blow. I never told anyone this.
If my mum is reading this blog I think she should post in the comments whether she remembers telling me about the black mark or not. I think it was a good thing to say. It encouraged my early talents. I am a bit concerned I made it up because it would make a good story or would help me explain myself to myself. I would like confirmation.
I remember I was standing in the back alley when she told me. There was a plastic wendy house frame but no wendy house on it in the back yard. I think there was a brown baby bath in the back yard too. That might have been for paddling, or she might have been bathing one of my siblings.