Guest Post 2: Things I Did Today

i had a wash.
i sprayed a small amount of perfume on myself.
i looked out of the window.
i went into the street.
i stood in the street for a while.
i saw a cat.
i touched the cat.
i asked the cat what its name was.
i went down the street.
i went into another street.
i went into another street.
i went past the park.
i went into another street.
i stood outside your front door.
i pressed the doorbell on your front door.
i waited for you to answer the door.
i said, ‘Hello.’
i looked at you.
i thought you looked a bit different.
i had the feeling that i’d interrupted you, that maybe you had been playing a computer game or looking at the internet or had just hung up the phone on someone to come and answer the door.
i wondered if i’d got you out of the shower, maybe.
i looked at your hair and saw it was dry.
i tried to smile but it came out strange.
i said something else that i can’t remember.
i tried to make a joke out of the thing i said and can’t remember.
i felt suddenly that walking to your house and touching your doorbell was a stupid idea.
i wished i had a better reason for coming round.
i made up a lie in my head.
i said the lie to you, and got caught up in the emotion of the lie, and it really felt like the thing i was saying was true.
i felt surprised and pleased with myself.
i watched your face change.
i said something else — an extension of the lie, like a small extra wing.
i said, ‘Goodbye,’ and walked back down the street and past the park and down a street and down another street and then down my street.
i looked at the cat again which was now sat underneath a car and not looking at me or telling me its name.
i went inside and made some toast.
i ate the toast.
i went into another room.
i sat down at the computer.
i turned on the computer.
i wrote an email to you, saying that the thing i’d just told you was a lie.
i read the email four times.
i read it three times in my head and one time out loud.
i felt strange and tangled.
i felt like a cliched ‘madwoman’.
i wished i was someone else.
i deleted the email and had a cup of tea.

This post was donated by Chris Killen. He didn’t offer me any eels or peacocks or hot-air balloons as inducements and even though he clearly doesn’t have a very high opinion of my daily japes I liked it very much.

Good work Chris Killen!

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