I will write you a story if you give me some cardboard boxes.


Today I have about three or four things that I have written which are ‘forthcoming’ in internet magazines and blogs that I admire. This is really good going. I am doing better in 2008 than I did in 2007. But I am not trying harder or writing better. I am not sure if people are liking my writing more. I have not been praying or anything.

Maybe I am writing better. It is about bloody time if this is the case.

But I have not done any drinking or smoking and I am having significantly less caffeine than usual. I have been throwing away or recycling or giving away about half of the things that I own (except my books). I have taken the advice of my friend and stopped sleeping with the radio on. I have spent every evening and night of this year on my own in total silence apart from things buzzing in the house like the heating and the fridge. I think I am getting so superstitious about Top Banana Writing Successes that now I am going to have to carry on doing and not doing these things. Possibly for the rest of my life. I am going to turn my whole life into Lent.

When the writing dries up I will probably turn back to drink. But at least I will appreciate it.

I have finished writing a story today about a woman called Alex who tries on all the makeup in the shop where she works. Her boss doesn’t like it. She goes home and listens to herself breathing into the telephone. She thinks it sounds like a shell. There is a wedding dress in it, and a part where she practices walking up and down on the sea-bed. I think it needs one more draft and then it will be ready for public consumption. I am going to see if I can find somewhere on the tinterwebs to take it so people can read it for free.

If people didn’t mind chipping in for my rent and buying me orange juice with bits in and new socks every now and again I wouldn’t mind doing writing for free, to order. If you would like a story from me you can ‘commission’ me to write something in exchange for some essential of life. I don’t really need anything at the moment but if you have a lot of empty cardboard boxes you don’t need I will write you a story for them. I am not very good at poems. That hasn’t stopped me writing lots of them in the past though. You just tell me what kind of things you would like in the story (like mice, or presents, or sunglasses, or elephants) and I will knock something out for you.

Think about it. You know it makes sense. I am a cardboard-box whore. There isn’t anything I will not write a story about. I don’t really have morals where writing is concerned. Try me. 

2 responses to “I will write you a story if you give me some cardboard boxes.”

  1. Szlampy says:

    Jenn, why do want cardboard boxes, I have dozens of them… from work. They're yours.

  2. Jenn Ashworth says:

    haha – this is a really old post, Keith. I was about to move house and I wanted them to help me move. But I'm all done now. 🙂

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