My Life is Going To Be Like This #99

I am going to persevere at my job and get the library working again. I am going to find all the missing CDs and have an error free catalogue to be proud of. I will teach everyone to do exhausted requests properly. The inter-library loans will never go missing again. I will never have my lack of ironed trousers pointed out to me during meetings, and I will not fall down and hurt my knee in front of my borrowers ever again. In My Life.

I am going to give up my job and claim lots of benefits and annoy everyone who thinks bad things about single mothers. I will write works of staggering complexity.

I am going to give up writing and take up sleeping instead. I will dream the most interesting dreams in the world and have hash browns and soft boiled eggs for breakfast every morning. In fact, I will only eat breakfast.

I am going to give up washing up and doing the laundry. I will abandon half-hearted attempts to save the planet and eat off paper plates and wear disposable clothes. I will stop making the beds and feeding the cat and hoovering up. I will throw away the radio and all my books and spend my days sitting in my brown chair with my eyes half closed, making patterns out of the woodchip.

I will give up my job and get a new one. I will make my house into a shop and sell all my things. I will sell everything that needs to be washed or fed or dusted or cooked or tidied up. I will remember to sort out the car insurance. I will sell the car.

I will go to the supermarket at lunchtime and spend lots of money on christmas decorations to make myself feel better. I will worry about where I am going to store them for the other ten months of the year. I will use all the halloween decorations on a second christmas tree. I will tell lies about Santa Claus and the Man In the Moon to extract good behaviour. 

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