Brown Cardigan

I am not a fan of superstition or hoitytoityness when it comes to writing. It is not special or magical and it is not interesting to watch on you-tube. It it not the sort of thing you chat about at the pub or take pictures of yourself doing. It is a bathroom type thing, as we have already established.

I do not know why some nights I am doing the writing and I am typing along and the noises in the keyboard are sounding good, it is clippity clop quickly and I am muttering, ‘great stuff, Jenn, on fire tonight, top banana, keep it up, ace, ace, ace!’ My toes crinkle up in my stripy socks and I jiggle in my seat and twiddle with my silly hair and it is all very exciting. When I go to bed I can’t sleep because I want to do more typing, but I have crap eyes and they can’t stand the computer for as long as I would like them to.

And other nights I am sitting eating cold curry (I made it myself last night and could not be bothered microwaving it but my Bombay potatoes and mushroom rogan josh are Champion and should be sold in tins, even if I do etc etc) and typing with one finger and feeling cold and bored and like I would much rather be in bed. I write things like ‘mother was making roses into radishes’ and ‘don’t worry we have plenty of time to clear the table before the important people come for tea’ and ‘it was a dark and stormy night’. I write lots of boring words one after the other and when I read them back I feel slow and dull, like cold dough, like old things, like mould and Sad-Sack and damp-facecloths and bruised apples and pub carpets.

I remember the bit out of Lady Chatterley’s Lover where Connie and Mr Mellors have done lots of good sex and are getting into it, but then she goes to his house again and they do sex and it is not good. She is a bit miserable and he shrugs and tells her to take the rough with the smooth, that sometimes that is the way that it happens.

I don’t like to be superstitious. I am against the airy-fairy when it comes to typing practice. I think really I just need to sleep or be outside for a bit or knit or drink tea or do something else. But I have a suspicion that it is because my lucky brown cardigan is in the wash. Because I like trees and the world and the ozone layer I don’t use the tumble drier very often but I am going to tonight. 

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